Poem | Burnt Paper

I couldn’t find the words.

I couldn’t find the words to say
When he tore the essence away and left
Left, all just dark roads and feeling like I was alone on street corners in the rain, calling out
Help me where are you, help me where am i. where have I been
Left, all just mirrored boxes and forced realisation, pressuring faces and piercing eyes asking
Help yourself, who are you, help yourself, who have you been.
All questions and questions yet I’ve been alone for days,
No dark roads, just a room. I’ve been alone for day yet I hear it-
Footsteps scream full stops, running bullets of question marks.

Maybe it was the rain,
Reminders on a window,
Thoughts of metaphors yet still
I couldn’t find the words.
Words to conceal, words to solder, words to lock it away in a piece of paper I could tear and burn and never have to see.
I couldn’t.
I didn’t, for it was all rain on a window, self-locked cells and ignored calls of friends.
My own mirror and my own question
Who have you been, where have you been.
A loop, just a record on repeat to replace the one he used to spin.

I couldn’t find the words,
I couldn’t find me, (or the me that was loved and held, held hostage)
I couldn’t find him
I didn’t want to,
So I just burned the page anyways.